December 19, 1998

look into your past long enough (but don't stare- gaze:

figure th difference between th two as an early step in th process)

look into th past long enough to discover th ways it is your own

as well as th ways it is not (yr own past grows alien to you)

you may notice there is an ebb & flow to its surface- like th breathing

of th tides or th tides of breathing- rising & falling, filling & emptying-

sometimes barely evidencing variation in th level & presence

of its seemingly abject, invisibly accumulating mass- easing minimally

higher & lower along th shore of everyday consciousness-

a hazy memory of minute, isolated, yet mysteriously unplaceable incident

drawing alternately closer into, then away from, th pouring edge

of th present in an unmeasurable, imperceptible rhythm...

other times, th flood of reconnection climbs & falls in dizzy extremes

engulfing us (us?) in wave after wave of vividly recalled, dramatically

freighted chains of events that sweep away boundaries

between personal history & th surrounding circumstance of th world:

a tangled mesh of circumstance once experienced @ a conventionally

safe remove allowing for intelligibility & th construction of meaning

is mashed & whippd up into swirling currents threatening to drag us

under...

only to recede & dry away, leaving debris-strewn mudflats

where isolated lifesign gestures throw reflecting glints of light

off shallow, windswept tidepools & fragments that once were signposts

lie exposed in all their flimsy absurdity...

love, d=(8{>